Reflections from St Beuno's: The Examen

The founder of the Society of Jesus (The Jesuits) is St. Ignatius Loyola (1491-1556).  The Examen is a popular way of praying which was developed by St. Ignatius. He suggested that his brothers undertook a daily way of praying by examining their lives so they could better serve God.

Making time for prayer allows you to fully feel God’s presence in your life and enter into a deeper more intimate conversation with Jesus. The Examen takes about 15 minutes to complete, but just take 5 minutes if that is all you have. It enables us to open our heart more fully to the will of God in our lives and recognise God’s presence in everything, as we go about our daily tasks.

Recall you are in the presence of God

I am always in the presence of God but in prayer I place myself  in God’s presence. Invite the Holy Spirit to help me look at my life with love this day.

Thanksgiving

Thank God specifically for his gifts to me this day. For example…..

What has happened to me today that I can be thankful for?

Have I taken anything for granted?

Am I becoming more grateful?

Has anything made me feel ungrateful or dissatisfied?

Ask for Light

This a time to pray for enlightenment from God instead of simply my own analysis of the day.  So, ask the Holy Spirit to show me what he wants me to see; to help me look at my actions clearly with an understanding of my limitations.

Do not judge what comes to me. This is a gentle look with the Lord at how I have responded to God’s gifts.

This prayer opens me to begin to see God’s action in my life rather than just my own actions.

Finding God In All Things – Reviewing the Day

This is the longest of the steps in which I review your whole day

Notice the details and the context in which it happened.

Think about how I acted, my motives and my feelings.

Some of the following questions may help. It may be that only one or two are relevant each day and that’s ok. But write it down so that what God did or said, isn’t lost in time, but treasured and held on to. It will be a real source of encouragement and faith.

Did I feel drawn to the Lord any time today through ….. a companion…. an event…. a book ….. nature etc?

What have I learned today about the ways of God…. in ordinary occasions…. in extraordinary moments…. in stray moments?

How did I meet God in…. fears…. Joys…. Work….in misunderstanding…. in suffering?

How did God’s word come alive to me today…. In prayer time….. scripture…. in services….. preaching….. or other readings?

In what ways have I encountered God in members of my family or community? Have I brought Christ to them?

In what ways have I been a sign of God’s presence and love…. to my friends…. to the people I work with….. to the people that I have met today?

Have I felt moved to go beyond myself in concern for the….. the lonely….. the sad….. the needy….. the discouraged?

How am I becoming more conscious of God’s work ….. in the wider Church….. the my world….. in other countries? How does this affect me?

Have I experienced a growing experience ….. of being loved….. of my sinfulness….. of a desire to return love…. Of my dependence?

Is there any are of my being and life in which Jesus is not yet Lord?

Forgiveness – Reconcile and Resolve

Spend some time receiving forgiveness from the Lord for the moments in which I did not respond to his love, but remember to also praise the Lord for times when I was cooperating with him.

Hope For The Future

Am I despondent, fearful or anxious? If so why?

(Be honest and don’t hide your true feelings.)

Ask God to give me a new hope and sensitivity to recognise the ways in which he calls me in every situation.

I forget the past and reach out to whatever lies ahead,

racing for the finish for the prize to which God

has called us in Christ Jesus.

Phil 3.13-15

Listen

Take and imaginary walk with Jesus.

Sit somewhere you won’t be disturbed and take a few deep breaths.

Invite the Holy Spirit to be with you and then begin…..

It is night time after a busy day.

You are tired, Jesus is tired.

You are somewhere out of doors.

It is one of your favourite places and Jesus knows it well.

The weather is fine, not cold. It is a balmy night.

No one else is around but you can see the lights of some houses - your own home included -  not far away.

You walk up a small hill, find a dry spot and sit down.

For a while you sit in silence, looking at the stars.

What do you want to say to Jesus?

What does Jesus want to say to you?

When you are both ready, get up and walk in companionable silence back to your home.

What are your “good night” words to Jesus?

And His to you?

Reflections from St Beuno's: Prayer To God As Father

A beautiful prayer to God as Father, inspired by Psalm 139.  The words of this prayer really spoke to me when I read it, and was used alongside the spiritual exercise which you can read about HERE

Father, you know me better than I could ever know myself.
You know in all truth what I have been, what I am, what I will become.
You know me when I am loving and when I am selfish.
You know when I succeed and when I fail.
You know everything about me.
And yet, Father, you love me more than I will ever know.
You don't hold it against me that I fail, or am discouraged.
You try also to show me that I should not hold it against myself,
because by doing so I will fail to love more.
You are forgiving and loving.
I read you word and am inspired,
but then immediately feel its poverty in my own life.
But Father, if I do try to escape you, really where can I go?
Deep down I never want to escape you, but at times I try.
Help me to realise that at these times you will support me,
You will send the light needed,
You will send your consolation through another,
You will send your strength and courage.
God, my Father, know my thoughts.
Guide me to you.
You know what I desire
even though I do not always move towards my goal.

Author unknown

Reflections from St Beuno's: Sin, Insensitivity & Missed Opportunity

Another spiritual exercise which people may find helpful:

What have I done for Christ?

What am I doing for Christ?

What shall I do for Christ?

Meditations on sin are not a time to wallow in guilt and despair, centred on myself.  Rather they offer the opportunity to compare my own selfishness, lack of love and integrity with the faithful love that God has shown to me.  It is good to recognise that whatever I have done, I am forgiven.

Nothing is hidden from God, I might accept this in my head, but at the same time keep certain areas of my life out of my prayer.  Some things don't seem nice or suitable to pray about.

The following meditation is intended to look into my own depths, to bring before God the areas of my life I prefer not to acknowledge.  Only with nothing hidden can I be totally open ot the healing touch, to the unconditional love and forgiveness of God.  Only when I admit that I cannot go it alone, that I have weaknesses, that I have sinned, that I need God, can I come into right relationship before God, as creature to Creator.  When I fully accept I have been forgiven, I can then begin to forgive myself.

Preparation:

I come before the Creator of the Universe, the Father who loves me dearly.  I ask that I do nothing that is not according to God's will.

Gifts:

I ask for the grace of feeling ashamed and confused as I consider the effects of sin, the opportunities I have missed to love others in my life.

Ponder:

I let pass before my mind all that I have done in life, or the last year, or last week, that I now regret.  I consider the people I have hurt.  I think about the petty jealousies, the selfishness, the worrying about what people will think of me, the lies, the lack of thought for others and their feelings.

I then contrast my response to that of God, the source of life and love.  I remember that God has given me life itself, all my own qualities, natural abilities and strengths.  I think of all the people who have loved me; I see the way I have been given good things in life, food, warmth, the fruits of the earth, human concern and affection.

We can all learn from our mistakes.  How have I grown through my sins?  Have my mistakes matured me, or made me more understanding of the mistakes of others?  In what ways can I live a more loving life from now on?

Conversation:

In my own words I talk to Jesus, and to God the Father.  I might imagine I am facing Christ on the cross.  I tell him about my own weaknesses and failure to love fully, and then I become aware of his response to me.

I end

with a formal prayer, such as the Lord's Prayer.

Reflections from St Beuno's: A Prayer of Remembering

This was one of the spiritual exercises I was encouraged to do whilst at St Beuno's, and thought I'd share it, so others can benefit from it.

A Prayer of Remembering

Through faith, Christians know that God is present in all things, in every moment, event and dimension of our lives.

1   Take time to quieten down, in a comfortable yet attentive position.  Acknowledge that God is with you.
2   Ask for the gift of a deep, felt appreciation of how God has been present in your life: consider where you have experienced loving and being loved, when you have felt most alive, most yourself?
3   Remember the people and events of your life and how you felt about them.  Remember both the pleasant and the painful experiences; those that give meaning to your life and those that confuse you or don't seem to have a positive side.

Let one memory touch off another by association, not necessarily logically nor chronologically.

These memories could be of:

events of childhood, parents. school, brothers/sisters, grandparents, relatives, partners, celebrations, successes/failures, friends, lovers, communities, holidays, God's presence, struggles, tragedies, gifts, experiences of church, dreams, persecution, sickness, college, work, places, journeys

4  Be aware of how you feel as you end your prayer.  In your own words, say whatever you feel appropriate to God.  Can you end with gratitude?  Be honest!

Review of the Prayer:

After the prayer, jot down a few notes on what you remember; be particularly attentive to people, events or things you felt strongly about.  What were your emotions?  Did anything surprise you?  Do you need to pray more about anything such as: healing from sorrow, fear or resentment; in thanksgiving for joy or God's love; to see the patterns in life; for self-acceptance, for the needs of others...

Reflections from St Beuno's: Entering Into Retreat

Here is some guidance I was given when I started my retreat at St Beuno's.  The suggestions given seem to be good advice about life in general, and something we can all try to build into our daily, hectic schedules.

Healthy Lifestyle:
Give yourself plenty of time for sleep.  Eat in moderation and avoid alcohol.  Exercise the body - walking and fresh air are ideal.  

Slow Down
Deliberately slow down, spend more time on everything you do.  Relax, quite consciously, take longer breaths, walk more slowly, do things more gently, for you are waiting for God, and you will meet God in the stillness and stillness takes a little time.  Simply wait, meanwhile...

Become aware of everything around you:

• the sounds
• the patterns of light
• the feel of things, their roughness and smoothness
• the scents and aromas carried through the air - warmth and coolness
• take trouble to notice even the taste and texture of your food
• feel and smell the flowers the leaves and the countryside
• through this creation God speaks to you, sings to you

Ask the Lord to open your senses, open them wide, that you may learn to listen to his voice.  

Silence

Although silence in daily life may be difficult to achieve, we can build moments of silence into our days.  On the topic of silence St Beuno's say: silence is not intended as an ascetic penance but to enable you to get in touch with what is deepest within.  For a few days in teh year it is good not to seek escape from yourself or God by filling our time with TV, computers, radio, mobile phones, chatter or the many other distractions of daily life.  Don't rush to fill the space, doing nothing can be creative.  

Reflections from St Beuno's: What I will take away

As my time at St Beuno's draws to a close I have been reflecting on the experiences of the last week.  

When I arrived at St Beuno's I said that one of the things I hoped to get out of the week, was to focus again on God, and reorientate myself to him.  I think over the week this has happened.  

The things that I will take away from me from this time include:

SILENCE
I need to create more space for silence in my life, to cut out some of the noise that can be a distraction from listening to God and listening to others - this includes spending less time on Facebook & Twitter!  I've also come to realise how much I value silence in prayer, and that I need to build more quiet times in my prayer life so I can listen to the still small voice of God.

PRAYER
Prayer for me often feels more like a chore than a pleasure, but during this week I have valued the time I have spent in prayer, and I have been reminded of how important prayer is to me, and how vital it is for my relationship with God.  I hope to create more space in my life for prayer.

REFLECTION ON SCRIPTURE
Each day I have been given a passage of Scripture to reflect on.  Through imaginative contemplation, as taught by St Ignatius Loyola, it is a way of bringing alive Scripture (particularly the Gospel stories), and a way of praying with the Gospel stories.

Although this is something I've done before, I've found it a helpful way of allowing God to speak to me through the stories, and a useful aid to prayer.

This is the advice given by St Beuno's on imaginative contemplation:

Use a story from scripture that allows you to be part of the action.  As in dreams, you might find interesting and unexpected things come up.

• Choose a passage and familiarise yourself with the story
• You are in the presence of God, acknowledge this.  Offer yourself, your time and your imagination to God.
• Ask God for what you need today, what you desire.This could be for a greater understanding of Jesus, in words such as: Jesus, may I know you clearly, love you more dearly and follow you more nearly.  On the other hand it could be something quiet different such as 'grant me more patience'.
• Set the scene from your scripture passage.  Take you time, see all that is around, hear, feel, taste, smell.
• What is the setting of the story in your imagination?  Become a character in the story.  Who are you?  It may be a central character or someone on the sidelines.
• Let the scene unfold naturally.  You may imagine it in the present day, or 2000 years ago. You may find it includes people you know.  The story might depart from the gospel scene and take on a life of its own.  That's fine, trust God, everything human is appropriate material for prayer.  Let the scene unfold naturally - what feels right.
• When the story has ended you may want to take in your own words to Jesus or another of the characters.
• End the pray with a formal prayer like the 'Our Father'.

When you have finished, look back over the prayer.

See how you reacted and felt.

Is this saying anything about you, the way you see others or God?

Did anything surprise you?

Is there anything that needs healing?

Is there anything you need to pray about in future?

TAKING MORE TIME FOR RETREATS

I have come to realise that I need to take time for regular 'mini' retreats, going away somewhere for the day to pray, read and reflect.  Ideally this is something I should attempt to do at least once a month.

TAKING MORE TIME TO READ

During this last week at St Beuno's I've enjoyed taking time to read a number of books.  I've realised I need to make time in my diary for regular theological and spiritual reading.

MAKING TIME FOR THE FAMILY

The people who often suffer the most with the lack of my attention is sadly my family.  I've realised that I need to prioritise spending more time with them, this means being more focused when I do work, so I don't waste this time, and end up working during family time (which is what usually happens!)  I realise how blessed I am to have such a loving and supportive family, and want them to have the best of me, not what is left!

Reflections from St Beuno's: Taste & See That The Lord is Good

Taste and see that the LORD is good

One of the consequences of being encouraged to be silent during the last eight days at St Beuno's, is that it has made me become more mindful of my environment.  To take time to enjoy the beauty of the surroundings, and to to savour the taste and texture of the food I am eating, and not to rush when eating!  I've come to realise that slowing down and making room for quiet in my life has physical, emotional and spiritual benefits. 

Reflections from St Beuno's: Paths

The route to the top of Snowdon

At St Beuno's I normally meet with my retreat director at 10.15am, but on the Sunday this meeting was rescheduled to 5pm.  The forecast was for beautiful weather, so I decided to take the opportunity to walk up Snowdon.  I planned my route, and set off in good time to walk up the mountain.  But on arriving at Snowdon I discovered that the car park I intended to use was already full, despite still being early in the morning.  I had to drive a couple of miles down the valley before I found somewhere to park.

From where I was parked, it was a long walk up the valley to reach the path that would take me up Snowdon.  So instead I decided to take another path, which I hoped would lead me to the summit.  Half way up the mountain I lost the path, and searched for what I believed would be a safe route to the summit.  However the higher I climbed, the more difficult and dangerous the route I had chosen became.  Eventually I realised that the only sensible and safe decision was to turn back, and retrace my steps, because the path I was on was clearly unsafe.  

Heading down the mountain, I did eventually manage to find the correct path, which led me safely to the summit of Snowdon.  

The summit of Snowdon

As I was reflecting on this walk, it made me wonder whether we recognise when we've taken the wrong path in life, and if so what do we do about it?  Do we keep on following this path, or do we try to find our way back unto the correct track?  On a mountain the dangers of taking the wrong path can be all too evident, but in life it may not be so obvious.  

May God be our guide as we journey through life.

Reflections from St Beuno's: Silence

Be still and know that I am God.

An important feature of retreats at St Beuno's is that there is silence.  Apart from a daily meeting with the retreat Director, and Mass in the evening, everyone is encouraged to be silent. 

Being encouraged to be silent for this period of time has made me reflect on why so many of us find silence difficult.  

In my own life I tend to fill every moment with noise - and I don't think I'm alone in this.  .Why do we feel we need to fill every moment with noise?  TV's, radios, mobile phones, news, music, Facebook and Twitter.  Is it that in our modern society we fail to appreciate the importance of silence?  Is it because we see stillness, quietness as unproductive time?  What I have come to realise from my time at St Beuno's is that silence is really important for my life, because it gives me the space  to reconnect with my true self, and most importantly of all to reconnect with God.   

Maybe our modern technology rather than helping us actually hinders us.  Before the advent of cars and modern forms of transport, it used to take time to travel places, either by foot or horse.  This gave people time to reflect, to enjoy the beauty of God's creation, to take in nature, to find that space for stillness and quiet.  

Maybe it is no wonder we don't hear from God, because we don't create the room, the space needed to let him speak to us, to savour his presence, to enjoy him.  Do we fill our lives with so much noise that we drown out God's still small voice?

When Jesus visited the home of Mary and Martha, Mary sat at Jesus' feet and listened to what he had to say.  Martha, in contrast was distracted with much serving, and she came to Jesus and said "Lord do you not care than my sister has left me to serve alone?" Jesus response was, "Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:42) Jesus commended Mary for making space in her life to sit and listen to him, which was more important that anything else she could have been doing, no matter how important that may have been.

Could it be that in our Christian lives we are like Martha, so busy being distracted by all the things we feel we need to do, and we miss out on what God really wants from us, to sit at his feet and be still?  

Reflections From St Beuno's: First Encounters

At the start of a three month sabbatical I am spending eight days on retreat at the Ignatian Spirituality Centre of St Beuno's in North Wales.  Here are some reflections from my time at St Beuno's.

I arrived at St Beuno's on Friday afternoon, and after dropping off my case in my room I made my way to the Chapel for the evening Mass, which is held every day at 5.45pm.  

The Catholic church has recently revised its Mass, and the responses which were very similar to the Anglican Communion Service have now changed, so it is easy to be caught out.  For example in response to the words 'The Lord be with you', the response in the Anglican liturgy and old Catholic liturgy was 'And also with you.'  But now in the Catholic Mass it is 'And with your spirit.'  This is just one of many little changes to the Mass.  

Although I have attended Mass on many occasions in the past with my wife, I am not very familiar with the new Mass, and on this first evening at St Beuno's was very conscious of the fact that it may be obvious to others that I wasn't used to the new liturgy.  That first evening, I felt as though everyone in the chapel new the responses by heart, and I was the only person present who needed an order of service at hand to follow the responses.  I felt very conscious about standing out from the crowd.

That first service at St Beuno's made me aware of how unnerving it must be for people going into church for the very first time.  For those unfamiliar with going to church, everything can seem unfamiliar and strange, including the words and music we use, sharing the peace, even the building we gather in.  It made me realise what a big thing it is for people to come to church for the first time.  No wonder at services which attract a lot of visitors, such as weddings, baptisms or funerals, you often see people standing outside the church looking so nervous. People are anxious about standing out, doing the wrong thing.  People worry that if they do something wrong they will get disapproving stares from other people.  

We want to encourage people to come to church, but I think we often forget what it is like to go somewhere new for the first time.  How terrifying it can be for some people to step into a church building, because they don't know what to expect, or maybe because they've had bad experiences in the past.  It is important to place ourselves in their position, to realise how hard it is to go somewhere new for the first time, and to go out of our way to welcome people, and put them at ease. 

As for my experience at St Beuno's, I needn't have worried, because at the meal after the service I found myself sitting next to a retired Anglican Bishop, an Anglican Vicar and a Quaker, I quickly realised that St Beuno's is a place that welcomes Christian's from all backgrounds, and that I wasn't the only person who would occasionally struggle with the new responses.